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Newsletter #1 |
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Newsletter #2 |
DO YOUR ETIQUETTE HOMEWORK
Recently, someone asked me what was the difference between etiquette and manners. Many think they're one and the same. Actually, etiquette is what you need to know in order to have good manners. It's almost impossible to know the right thing to do in every situation. So, just like the kids going back to school, we have our homework to do too and when it comes to learning good manners, it's an ongoing assignment.
"I was at this important dinner," a friend said to me. "I was so nervous. I never saw so much silverware for each place setting, I was horrified," she explained. I assured her that she wasn't the first person to sit down at a table and not know what to do.
There were two ways she could've handled this situation. One, before going to the dinner she could've done her homework. Any good, basic etiquette book has chapters devoted to dining and table settings. The second and only thing she could've done in that moment was to observe what others were doing. I would've taken my cue from the host or hostess. My friend knew the basics, glasses to the right and bread plate to the left. You'd be surprised how many don't. When someone to my left thinks their bread plate is on their right, I don't say anything as they butter my roll. No need to embarrass someone over carbohydrates I didn't want in the first place.
Sometimes, what's acceptable in one culture isn't in another. In America, we commonly hear people say after a meal, "I'm full." Once, at a big dinner party in Milan, Italy, I said the same thing in Italian. I was seated next to a good friend and she whispered, "We don't say that here. We say something to the effect, this was good, I'm fine." I thought about it and even in English, "I'm full." isn't exactly an example of elegance.
I'm an identical twin and because people are fascinated with twins they always have plenty of questions. Some can be kind of personal, e.g. "Does your sister have a boyfriend, too?" That may seem harmless but my sister's business is not mine to tell to a stranger. Beware of personal questions. You may not like the answer or may put someone in an awkward position. Asking someone how much they paid for a house or how much they get paid, in my book, unacceptable. However, I am sure that somewhere in the world these kinds of questions are commonplace and people have no qualms about answering them. But when in doubt don't ask, wherever you are.
Nowhere is there a better place to become an etiquette expert in your own right than in the community of Chain of Confidence. It gives you the opportunity to do your homework on a global level, this way, when you take your seat at the table, you'll know what to do. Cheers!
